Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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