when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
