Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
