What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
