She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
