We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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