Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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