he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
