HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's always time for handjobs
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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