somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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