Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
