Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
