I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
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