this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
