Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He passed out mid-signature
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
