is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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