i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize