Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize