Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize