She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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