I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
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party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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