If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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