genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
there is glitter all over my balls
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
