There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
