Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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