I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The adults are the big ones right?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
