I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
