there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I died a long time ago.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
