If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
