i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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