if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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