The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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