please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
