1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
