My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He felt like a one man threesome
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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