I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Can I color on your dick again?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
