Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
