McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
