Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say