At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
