Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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