thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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