Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize