Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
