I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
