I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
