so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
