who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
