i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
