well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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