moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
