I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
