we're blogging at a bar
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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