So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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