took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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