they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
