Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
