I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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