His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
